the agenda *

1. piss away the morning (done)
2. eat the daily cheerios - for the cholesterol (done)
3. shower (in a minute)
4. drop off laundry
5. take the train to union square
6. meet ames at virgin - inside not outside
7. hop back on the train - and head to williamsburg
8. find food
9. eat again
10. find the galapagos art space
11. attend the 3rd annual cnbcn music festival
12. head home
13. eat again
14. sleepy time

* agenda subect to change

the groin :: the ass :: 'str8-acting'

so while chit-chatting away in my normal sunday morning fashion to the randoms on my favorite gay chat site - gay.com - the subtle references to groin and ass came about in the conversation. why is it that as gay men - we are always referencing certain body parts in this delicate ballet of online banter? well let's face it - not all online conversations are delicate - most are like - what'cha into - wanna fuck - and my favorite - 'str8-acting for same - you in?' which leads me to the point of this post - 'str8-acting' - really now - i didn't realize straights and gays 'acted' one way or another. aren't we all supposed to just be ourselves and let the others sort us out?

in my lifetime - i've met many gay men who aren't the stereotypical gay that we are taught that we all are (reference: blaine edwards and antoine merryweather.) i fancy myself as being one of those men (the 'not so stereotypical') - though sometimes - i do ride that stereotype line - but that's what makes life fun right? on the other side of that coin - i have met many a heterosexual man - married with kids - who speak and strands pearls - matching pumps and purses - leap from their mouths they are so 'nelly.' so what is 'str8-acting?'

'str8-acting' i think is the gay male's insecurity being worn on their sleeves. it's the not-so passive way of breaking the sad stereotypes that plague us. by saying we are 'str8-acting' we pull ourselves closer to the norm or what society wishes we all were - how dull. be yourself. you can only be true to the truest you - and when you wear that on your sleeve - you'll be a better person for it.

gay men lose themselves in these crazy label games. forcing a mold on themselves. fortunately - though slowly - i do feel like the younger breed of gays are changing the rules a bit. kids are coming out at such earlier ages - 12 14 16 - and are able to express themselves closer to when actual puberty and hormones are in full swing. this allows them to establish identity in real-time and not have to reestablish it later in life. most gay men who are 30+ had to find themselves all over again. its a sad truth.

it makes me wonder how far into the future we'll have to go before 'str8-acting' is no longer necessary and we can all just be ourselves.

the agenda revisited

ok so the night went as i pretty much expected - still hate thai food - marie's crisis really is only good for a once in a very blue moon - and jonathan can honestly say he totally does not connect with the gay scenes of nyc.

tonight i managed to go to 3 different places and have 3 pretty eh experiences. after dinner - manna and i went to duplex - it was nice - we sat outside - had a cute waiter named kevin who smiled and pretty much made my night - too bad he was 25 - not that that's too young but anyway - kevin was nice in that 'i'm a waiter and i'm here to serve you' kinda way. joining us were darris and brannon. after one last drink we headed to marie's crisis. typical night with drunken showtunes - although this evening the normal piano player wasn't there - i forget his name but we love him - and in place was a guy that was just gross. a couple of drinks later and nick (the roommate) joined us - keep in mind this is his personal hell - well it would be if it were drunken showtunes in a room filled with lesbians. we left there - manna departed for good - we headed to mr. blacks. now - the last time i was at this place it was an art gallery of some kind - we arrive - $10 to get in - wall to wall fags in a hot steamy basement. bad music. gogo boys. sweaty people - some hot - most not. my old friend russell was behind the bar and bought my rounds of drinks - so that was cool. so there i was - strolling around and around and around this rather small bar - not picking up on any vibes from anyone. this is in a location where the village and chelsea meet - so it was a random assortment of fags for the picking. long story short - nothing - well except for this cute architect that all of us were going after - needless to say - we left him there at the end of the night.

i don't know - am i supposed to be hunted or am i supposed to hunt? i don't play this game well at all. when you break me down - i'm very shy and rather insecure. here i am - finally in an 'organic' situation instead of the typical online fiasco of chat rooms and smut sites - and i can't make a decent connection with a single being in the room. maybe i have an extra arm growing out of my forehead that no one told me about. i don't get it. is all hope lost? i doubt it - and i have hope - maybe - just maybe - it'll happen.

sleepy time.

the agenda

so i have managed to completely piss my day away. about the only thing i accomplished was getting up. i mean i did manage to make pasta primavera with clams for lunch and pick up my dry cleaning - but on the scale of things - not monumental. just sitting back having some quality time with my roommate - my cat - and my good friend billie holiday (and all of the other people being held captive in my ipod.)

but alas - the day is still kind of young - it's nearly 6pm - nick (the roommate) has gone to work - coldplay is now pouring out of the bose-powered ipod - and i have dinner plans with my friend chris in the city at around 8:00. i just hope the pasta i had earlier did not spoil my appetite. we are going to a thai place that manna (as i call him - and well - so do most people - i mean there are about 5 million chris' in new york city alone - need to call out some difference with them) has been trying to drag me to forever and a day. truth be told - i'm not a fan of thai food - it reminds me of a love long since lost with a cute dancer boy who shared my birthday - he was my first nyc crush - six great dates later - poof - gone - but that's nyc for ya - that and i don't really like the taste of thai food in general (and i'll eat just about anything.)

after we eat - we're planning on heading to a local west village watering hole - marie's crisis. then who knows where the night will take us. shit - after a night of thai food and drunken showtunes - is there anything left that'll be more exciting?

i think so - but shhh - don't tell anyone i said that out loud.

rainy days and mondays :: and cats

why is it that the first weekend in ages i have nothing to do comes around and it's raining? i guess that's just what happens. when i woke to the sounds of the rain beating against my air conditioner - i instantly thought it was the cats getting into crap under my bed.

between myself and my roommate we have 3 - 3 too many most days - but in all they are ok - as a matter of fact - bernie (the girl) - is sitting next to me kneading the bed. she's clearly the ring leader of the group - and the runt - she's the one that is always getting into things - creating chaos - and then denying she was involved by being 'cute' - purring so loudly she sounds like a boat - and doing that 'love me' nudge that cats do when they are trying to get attention. then we have grayson (he's mine) - grayson is a very large tuxedo cat - he's very beautiful - my friend brent found him in a trash can in harlem when he was 2 weeks old - he was the tiniest thing - i took him in - he never left (the cat not brent) - he's the lazy one - constantly asleep in the bathroom sink - on the table - couch - bed - etc. finally we have woodward - woodward is always mentioned last because we forget woodward is around most of the time - he's the hermit - and the lovable oaf of the group - he stays to himself in nick's (my roommate's) room - and comes out to eat - poop - and to wrestle with grayson.

see this is what rainy days on a saturday do to me - cause me to sit back and write about the 3 cats that live within our brooklyn apartment.