the agenda revisited

ok so the night went as i pretty much expected - still hate thai food - marie's crisis really is only good for a once in a very blue moon - and jonathan can honestly say he totally does not connect with the gay scenes of nyc.

tonight i managed to go to 3 different places and have 3 pretty eh experiences. after dinner - manna and i went to duplex - it was nice - we sat outside - had a cute waiter named kevin who smiled and pretty much made my night - too bad he was 25 - not that that's too young but anyway - kevin was nice in that 'i'm a waiter and i'm here to serve you' kinda way. joining us were darris and brannon. after one last drink we headed to marie's crisis. typical night with drunken showtunes - although this evening the normal piano player wasn't there - i forget his name but we love him - and in place was a guy that was just gross. a couple of drinks later and nick (the roommate) joined us - keep in mind this is his personal hell - well it would be if it were drunken showtunes in a room filled with lesbians. we left there - manna departed for good - we headed to mr. blacks. now - the last time i was at this place it was an art gallery of some kind - we arrive - $10 to get in - wall to wall fags in a hot steamy basement. bad music. gogo boys. sweaty people - some hot - most not. my old friend russell was behind the bar and bought my rounds of drinks - so that was cool. so there i was - strolling around and around and around this rather small bar - not picking up on any vibes from anyone. this is in a location where the village and chelsea meet - so it was a random assortment of fags for the picking. long story short - nothing - well except for this cute architect that all of us were going after - needless to say - we left him there at the end of the night.

i don't know - am i supposed to be hunted or am i supposed to hunt? i don't play this game well at all. when you break me down - i'm very shy and rather insecure. here i am - finally in an 'organic' situation instead of the typical online fiasco of chat rooms and smut sites - and i can't make a decent connection with a single being in the room. maybe i have an extra arm growing out of my forehead that no one told me about. i don't get it. is all hope lost? i doubt it - and i have hope - maybe - just maybe - it'll happen.

sleepy time.